When Planets Go Rogue
You’re having one of those days. The alarm clock didn’t go off, you caught all the red lights the Highways Agency ever created on the way to work, the email you’ve been waiting for mysteriously went to the spam file, and you missed an important call because your phone was on silent. And the coffee machine is broken — just when you really need that double espresso.
A thought occurs. You check the internet.
Ah yes, that explains it.
Flippin’ Mercury is retrograde again!
In my experience, it’s all too familiar. I’m not saying Mercury is responsible for every set of lost keys, punctured tyres or plumbing catastrophe but it does seem to have an alarming amount of circumstantial evidence stacked against it.
The Charge: Making Life Unnecessarily Difficult
Mercury stands accused of making a general nuisance of itself during its retrograde periods, negatively affecting communication, travel and technology, and generally making everything more of a faff.
Of course, Mercury doesn’t really go backwards. It just appears to from Earth because of the relative positions and speeds of the planets. But then, look at the effect the Moon has on the tides. Who am I to say Mercury isn’t up to something?
When the mischievous little planet started its most recent retrograde period on 29th June 2026, I was already engaged in a little contretemps with a certain postal service over a lost parcel. By the time Mercury was in full swing, it had turned into a Battle Royale! Talk about a classic example of miscommunication. Does anyone actually bother to read their emails properly these days? If the replies I received to mine are anything to go by, clearly not.
Then there was my day trip to London in July. Tickets booked, plans made, friend successfully met on the train. What could possibly go wrong?
Quite a lot, as it turned out.
All Change!
We’d barely gone a few stops when the announcement came. Due to disruption, our train would now be going to London Bridge instead. The train was already much busier than we'd expected and, by Gatwick Airport, we were standing on a packed, hot train surrounded by newly arrived travellers, suitcases and enormous backpacks. You know the ones — the rucksacks whose owners apparently forget they extend approximately three feet behind them and turn round without warning, taking out anyone within range.
By the time we finally arrived at London Bridge, my friend and I had concluded that, if you want to see humanity in all its selfish glory, take a crowded train.
And another email from the postal service — with information they’d already given me twice and which was still completely irrelevant.
A Catalogue of Minor Irritations That Feel Like Disasters at the Time
Then there was the packaging order that should have been straightforward but actually took a week to get right. You’d think communication would be easier by phone but, no. Mercury apparently rules communication in all its forms — listening, writing, reading, speaking — the lot.
So...
...another email from the postal service. Yes! One question answered. The rest of the email? Still completely irrelevant.
Then there were ingredient orders delayed because of the heatwaves. I’d like to blame Mercury for those too, but even I think that might be pushing it.
Now, I have to be honest here. Much as I usually dismiss daily horoscopes and predictions based on zodiac signs, I’m a Virgo, so Mercury is my ruling planet.
Hmmmm...
Better to be safe than sorry, right?
There’s plenty of advice on the internet about surviving Mercury retrograde: avoid major decisions and purchases, double-check emails and travel plans, be patient with miscommunications and, importantly, back up your data.
Well, I was checking my emails, but a certain postal service obviously was not. Yes, another reply containing irrelevant information and still no resolution. I was a dog with a bone by now, determined not to let them fob me off. I fired off another reply, thinking, “This time, surely?”
Eventually, All Good Things Come To An End
Mercury was about to go direct again. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Too soon, as it turned out.
Mercury apparently had one last little bit of mischief up its sleeve.
I logged onto my computer, waited while it sorted itself out after the previous night’s update, and then...
Nothing.
A desktop, sure. But not MY desktop! No bookmarks, no downloads, no documents, an alien browser, no wallpaper photo of Chris Evans (Captain America, not the other one). My blood pressure rose, beads of sweat appeared on my forehead and then...
It occurred to me to just restart the wretched thing.
My desktop reappeared. Disaster averted. Mercury was finally done with me.
And then...
Another email about my lost parcel.
Coincidence? Probably.
But Mercury goes retrograde again on Saturday.
I’m backing up my computer now.
*At the time of writing, the lost parcel saga remains unresolved